CD-ROM
Golf is based on the game of golf, yet has been designed for indoor play using
CD-ROM discs as the golf “balls.” The
discs are rolled by hand across the floor.
Though designed as sport for individual players, team events have
occurred from time to time. Skilled
players can arc their CDs around corners, richochet off walls, and maintain a
straight drive for long distances.
CD-ROM
Golf is derived from college dorm games dating back to the early 1990s. The most influential precursor was an event
in which LPs were rolled down the hall.
The initial purpose of these (unnamed) games was to destroy the LP. Therefore, speed was essential; accuracy was
not.
CD-ROM
Golf has evolved into a skill and strategy game with emphasis on both precision
and consistency. The following
individuals have contributed directly to the development of the sport: Ken
“Cosmo” McCaw (inventor), Pete “PJ” Isensee, Melanie “Señorita Baby” McClaire,
J. “Jimmy” M. Dog and Shilo “Frappé” Jones.
Without the mind-numbing hours of play devoted by these dedicated
athletes, CD-ROM Golf would have remained simply an office novelty.
The
object of the game is to roll the CD to a predefined destination(s) in the
minimum number of rolls or “strokes.”
·
Ball:
a standard 5” CD-ROM disc
·
Hole:
a destination, typically a doorway to pass through, or an object which must be
hit by the disc
·
Stroke:
a single roll of the disc
·
Drive:
rolling the disc a long distance
·
Putt:
rolling the disc a short distance
·
Fairway:
any point on the main course; does not include sand traps or hazards
·
Sand
Traps: offices or open doorways adjacent to the course
·
Hazards:
obstacles on the course, including chairs, desks, ledges, or other office
accouterments
·
Course:
the hallways, offices and rooms through which the disc must pass on the way to
the hole
·
Gurney
rail: a modification to the course which is designed to help a disc avoid an
obstacle
The
only equipment required for the game is one CD-ROM disc per player. Any 5” disc is allowed (either audio or
computer CD). Videodiscs are not
allowed. Discs may be decorated or
individualized using a felt-tipped pen.
Discs modified in any other way are prohibited.
Expect
discs to become severely damaged during the course of play. Avoid using CDs of any personal value. CDs used for burning one-offs should also be
avoided, since the substrate layer of these CDs contains a poisonous compound
that could be exposed if (or when) the disc is scraped or dented. (See under “Shilo Disfigurement.”)
At
least two players are required for any official game. There is no maximum limit, but playing with more than six people
can be troublesome, especially in narrow hallways. However, by using the special “collision” penalty (see below),
these games can become very lively. You
might also consider dividing into teams with different tee times when there are
a large number of players.
The
CD must remain on the ground at all times.
When either driving or putting, the CD should be rolled on edge. It should not be pushed as if it was a
platter on the ground. The CD must be
rolled using only one hand. (The second
hand may be used to balance the disc prior to the stroke.) The hand may only touch the edge of the
disc.
In
a “forehand” stroke, the disc is rolled in the same direction as the thumb on
the driving hand. In a “backhand”
stroke, the disc is rolled in the opposite direction. Typically, the player kneels on the floor, positions the disc in
an upright position, then positions their driving hand on the top edge of the
disc, and, pushing down on the disc, rolls the CD in the desired direction.
Note
that the disc may be leaned on its edge in order to obtain an arcing roll. Some players also prefer to position their
thumb on the back edge of the disc to push the disc in the desired direction.
·
Driving
with any extraneous device (e.g., golf clubs, the “Stanger”)
·
Driving
with any body part other than the hand.
·
Driving
with two hands.
·
Driving
with a finger positioned inside the center hole of the disc.
·
Driving
with the disc in any position other than on-edge.
The
course layout is described to all players in advance. New players may be walked through the course if they desire.
All
players tee-off from a predetermined location.
A doorway is often used as the tee-off spot. Once all players have had their initial drives, the player who
has the trailing disc (the disc furthest from the destination hole) is the next
to roll. Play continues in this
fashion, with the trailing player always the next to roll.
A
player always begins their next roll from the exact spot where the CD came to
rest on the previous roll. The CD is
positioned upright on any edge of the CD based on its current resting
spot. The player then rolls the CD.
Play
continues until all players reach the hole.
If multiple holes are being played, tee-off for the next hole typically
begins from the current hole. However,
players may choose a different tee-off location by mutual agreement.
Once
play has begun (the first person has teed off), the course may not be modified
in any way by the players themselves.
Note that this does not prohibit bribing or in any other way inducing
non-players to close doors, move obstacles, etc.
If
a disc lands on top of another disc, the disc on top rolls first.
If
a disc lands so that it is standing upright (against a wall or other obstacle),
it is acceptable to push the disk down so that it lies flat. The CD may then be positioned upright on any
edge for the next roll. This rule is
often referred to as the “common sense” or “sympathy” rule.
After
their initial drive from the tee, a player may elect to return to the tee and
try again. This results in a one-stroke
penalty.
After
any roll into a hazard or sand trap, a player may elect to return the ball to
the fairway. This results in a
two-stroke penalty. For most sand traps
(e.g., offices adjacent to the fairway), the disc may be placed directly
outside the office doorway. For most
hazards (obstacles), the disc is repositioned on the side of the obstacle
nearest the fairway. Players may
determine (by mutual agreement) where the CD is placed following the penalty.
If
a disc rolls into an elevator, the player may elect to take a two-stoke penalty
and resume play outside the elevator door.
They may also elect to wait for elevator to return and roll the disc
from inside the elevator.
If
a disc rolls down the stairs, the player takes an automatic two-stroke penalty
and begins at the top of the stairs.
If
a disc is accidentally moved (for any reason) during play, it should be
returned to its original location before it’s rolled.
Any
player caught cheating is automatically disqualified and their disc is removed
from play and broken into many pieces.
Note that this rule only applies if the player is caught.
If
the CD collides with course spectators, viewers in the gallery, or other
players on the course, the CD remains where it lies and play continues from
that point.
However,
at the start of any game (especially large tournaments), players may invoke, by
mutual agreement, the “collision rule.”
The collision rule states that the player being struck by a CD is issued
a one-stroke penalty. Another potential
option: allowing a reroll if the disc strikes a person on the course.
The
course may be modified at any time other
than during a game. Modifications must
be acceptable to all players.
Foul
language of any kind is prohibited.
Players should feel free to ignore this rule at their own discretion.
During
game play, it is standard convention to start all statements with “Señor” and
end all statements with “Baby.” For
example: “Señor, devastating drive, Baby.”
Common
expressions of disgust:
“Señor
Crappé”
“Señor
Frappé”
“Weak Sauce”
“Super
Chunky”
“C’mon,
Shilo!”
“Damn
That Richard”
“Devastating”
“That
was a Travesty”
“I
was Robbed”
“Pathetic”
Common
outbursts:
“Turn,
Baby, Turn”
“Break,
Break!”
“Big
Kick!”
“Ready
Golf”
“C’mon,
While We’re Young”
Naked
or clothed, player’s choice.
All
scoring is the responsibility of the individual players. For games that are scored and entered into
the course record book, all players must agree before start of play that the
game is “official.”
·
CD-Golf
is best played on lightly carpeted floors.
Shag carpets are devastating, and vinyl or tile floors are very
unforgiving.
·
Straight
drives are most easily accomplished by pressing the CD hard into the floor
while insuring the disc is exactly vertical.
·
Arcing
drives can be attained by leaning the disc in the direction in which the arc
should occur.
·
Accuracy
is key. Plan your game carefully. Think a few shots ahead. Sometimes a short stroke can be better than
a long (and potentially inaccurate) drive.
The
standard HyperBole course consists of two holes, each par 6. Play begins in the Development
department. The initial tee is the
large development team office. The
first hole is the Kitchen doorway. The
Kitchen also acts as the second tee.
The last hole is the south doorway to the large development office (the
north doorway is also acceptable, if more difficult).
From
the initial tee to the first hole, there are three main hazards/sand traps: the
Door of Demous, the Copier of Catastrophe, and the Ledge of Death. The Ledge of Death is a particularly common
hazard, hit approximately 40% of the time by all players in a round. The Ledge of Death is believed by some to
have magnetic or even mystic qualities.
From
the second tee to the last hole, there are two main hazards/sand traps:
Richard’s Old Office of Awfulness, and “the Sand Trap” adjacent to the large
development office. Common game
convention is to close the Sand Trap door prior to tee-off.
HyperBole
tee time is 5:05 pm Monday thru Friday.
Course tournaments are held on birthdays and other special occasions,
with tee-time normally around 4:30 pm.
It
is standard procedure for one or two players to walk the course prior to play,
removing or moving dangerous obstacles.
This may include, but is not limited to: closing doors, moving chairs,
boxes, etc., or creating “gurney rails.”
However,
once play begins, no obstacles or doors may be moved (unless disturbed
“coincidentally” by a spectator).
For
tournaments honoring a special person, the special person is free to make up
their own rules for game play.
Examples:
·
Requiring
that good shots (or bad shots) be rerolled.
·
Requiring
some or all players to wear no clothes, with strict penalties for non-compliance.
·
Requiring
mandatory penalties for other players.
·
Altering
the course (especially during the middle of the game).
·
Requiring
a special method of rolling the disc (left-handed, etc.)